Death, Divorce or a Sudden 'We're Done': This Is How Women Can Prepare for Possibilities, From a Financial Planner

While the end of a relationship is a grim prospect, it'll be easier to deal with if you have an honest conversation about finances now and lay the groundwork for your security should the worst happen. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. Here’s how it works. Profit and prosper with the best of Kiplinger's advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and much more. Delivered daily. Enter your email in the box and click Sign Me Up.You are now subscribedYour newsletter sign-up was successfulWant to add more newsletters?Delivered dailyKiplinger TodayProfit and prosper with the best of Kiplinger's advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and much more delivered daily. 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Over the course of my career, I've sat across the table from many women at pivotal moments in their lives.Rarely do they come in because they suddenly decided it was time to focus on financial planning. More often, they are there because something changed.The most common financial wake-up calls don't arrive at a particular birthday or milestone. They happen at life's inflection points, such as a divorce filing, the death of a spouse, a sudden separation or a serious health diagnosis.Become a smarter, better informed investor. Subscribe from just $107.88 $24.99, plus get up to 4 Special IssuesProfit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.Even becoming a parent or approaching retirement can shift the ground beneath a family's financial foundation.In these moments, women who may have long trusted a partner to manage investments or oversee the details are suddenly responsible for decisions that feel high-stakes, technical and deeply personal.In those first meetings, the emotion I encounter most often can be summed up in one word: Overwhelmed.About Adviser IntelThe author of this article is a participant in Kiplinger's Adviser Intel program, a curated network of trusted financial professionals who share expert insights on wealth building and preservation. Contributors, including fiduciary financial planners, wealth managers, CEOs and attorneys, provide actionable advice about retirement planning, estate planning, tax strategies and more. Experts are invited to contribute and do not pay to be included, so you can trust their advice is honest and valuable.When women come to me after a major life transition, their concerns tend to center around three themes.For older clients, there can also be a technological barrier. If you've never logged into an investment account or accessed documents online, even gathering information can feel daunting.In many marriages, particularly in traditional households or where one spouse is a business owner, one partner naturally takes the lead on investments and financial strategy. That division of labor can work — until it doesn't.I've worked with women who knew they were wealthy but didn't understand how that wealth was structured.The illusion is that wealth equals security. In reality, understanding creates security.I once advised a woman I'll call Margaret who had been married for 25 years to the founder and CEO of a successful private company. On paper, their net worth was well into eight figures.They owned multiple homes, a sizable brokerage account, interests in private equity funds, trusts for their children and a donor-advised fund (DAF). When the marriage unraveled, she discovered how complex that wealth really was.A significant portion of their assets was illiquid, with a mix of private company equity, long lock-up funds and real estate partnerships.Dividing assets wasn't as simple as splitting a checking account. There were valuation disputes, executive compensation analysis, stock options, carried interest structures and deferred tax liabilities.Two $5 million assets can look equal on paper. A brokerage account with a low-cost basis, a Roth account, a traditional IRA and an interest in a private fund have dramatically different tax implications and liquidity profiles.For Margaret (and many other women in her situation), wealth did not eliminate fear. Instead, it made the decisions more complex.Only after she retained her own independent advisory team did she gain clarity: A full asset inventory, cash flow projections, tax modeling and revised estate documents.Most importantly, she built a strong relationship with her advisory team and felt confident asking questions and deepening her understanding of her finances.She later told me, "I thought being wealthy meant being secure. I now know that understanding is what creates security."In my experience, women are more likely to be financially uninvolved in households where they have stepped out of the workforce to raise children, and the husband manages finances. I also see it more often in families where spouses are 50 or older, reflecting more traditional role models.That said, dual-income couples are not immune. Even when both partners work, one often defaults to managing investments and long-term planning.Spouses of business owners are particularly vulnerable because so much wealth can be tied to complex compensation structures and private holdings.Younger couples sometimes assume they "have plenty of time" to get organized. Unfortunately, life doesn't always cooperate with that timeline.Across these profiles, the pattern is consistent: Complexity increases risk when only one spouse understands it.Looking for expert tips to grow and preserve your wealth? Sign up for Adviser Intel, our free, twice-weekly newsletter.The goal is not to assume the worst. It is to build resilience.If you want to crisis-proof your financial life, start here:These practical steps lay the groundwork. But resilience is not built on documents alone. It is built through shared understanding.In addition to written records, I now encourage couples to consider something more personal: A short video overview.The spouse who is more familiar with the family's finances can record a simple video on their phone walking through the big picture:It does not need to be technical or polished. In many cases, hearing a familiar voice calmly explain the landscape can be far easier to follow than a set of written instructions.It may feel uncomfortable to think about needing it, but having that recording in place can bring tremendous peace of mind.Most importantly, talk openly while you can. Ask your spouse:Finally, make sure you know how to access critical documents and accounts: Bank and brokerage information, retirement plans, insurance policies, estate documents, contact information for advisers, tax returns, loan documents, digital assets and the location of any safe deposit box or password manager.Financial literacy is not about control. It is about confidence. Major life events will always bring emotion. But when both spouses understand the family's financial structure, those moments don't have to bring fear.This article was written by and presents the views of our contributing adviser, not the Kiplinger editorial staff. You can check adviser records with the SEC or with FINRA.Profit and prosper with the best of Kiplinger's advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and much more. Delivered daily. Enter your email in the box and click Sign Me Up.Anne serves as Managing Director and a Wealth Adviser, leading business development, marketing and Novare Capital Management's adviser team. Her passion for her community and deep financial experience motivate her to provide peace of mind to her clients. She thoroughly enjoys working with multiple generations and building lasting relationships with her clients and their families. Anne brings more than 40 years of experience in corporate banking and wealth management, including 20 years at Wachovia, along with a genuine commitment to the people she serves.